At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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