as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
