he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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