Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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