Just cropdusted the office
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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