I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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