Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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