why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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