I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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