Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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