Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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