3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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