3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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