Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I sprained my soul last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
