i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
