he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
