Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
