I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You don't make any sense
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