I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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