Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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