Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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