you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
