Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
