I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
