bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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