Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
