i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
whose ass print is on the piano?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
