Jerry, you need to find god
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
