Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drake has all the answers
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
