theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
