I cannot find my penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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