We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
