My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
