fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
