nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
