but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
