I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
