You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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