I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
