Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
