Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
