Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
