Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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