i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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