I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
COCAINE IS GR8
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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