I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could fuck to npr.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
there is puke in my bra ... again
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