her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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