i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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