Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just cut my nipple shaving
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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