Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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