trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
