I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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