im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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