Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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