i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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