Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
