did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
