i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
