If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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