We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's the barista slut.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
