i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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