you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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