Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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