i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
