I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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