she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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