Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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