Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
