She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize