Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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