Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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