She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
