I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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