i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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