Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
