I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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