i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
