Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
