these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
