Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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