A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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