Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
