Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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