There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
